I like to
buy my own gifts (to my husband’s dismay); I like gift cards (when my sister
says if all I can select for her is a gift card, don’t even bother!); and I prefer
dishwashers or a new fridge if I need one over something frivolous or romantic.
But from
my very first year as a mother, a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day gift was a must! I saw how on this day (and on Father’s Day),
it is so important to show our mums & dads how much they mean to us and thank
them for all they do, day in and day out.
On this one day, I absolutely feel I deserve the best….and want effort made!
Often, in
mothering my own sons, I’ve thought about how I want to do it – what to give,
what not to give, how much to hold, how much to push, how much to say or not
say. I’ve looked to my own upbringing to
lead my way. I was one of the fortunate
ones to have been given the perfect mother for me – so much of the good in my
life and my relationships has come from what she taught me through her own actions and way of being with me.
Every
child is different so the same mother’s qualities may touch siblings in diverse
ways. Their experience may or may not be
similar. I’ve also seen that mothering
over different phases of life can be different – a young mother to a first
child can be a very different mother ten years later to the last child.
In honor
of Mother’s Day, I want to give a big hug (from afar) to my mom for all she did
for me and share the best things she gave to me:
- her laughter, her smile
My mom is funny.
She’s a bit of a comedienne, without trying. She laughs most of the time and from deep in
her belly; it’s honest, heartfelt….and infectious.
- her attention
I can vividly remember coming home from school
in the second grade and my mom, sitting on the couch, would ask, “How was your
day?” I would proceed to give her the
blow by blow description of every minute of my school day….. “Well, when I got
on the bus……” And she’d listen. My day seemed the most important thing to
her. She didn’t shut me down, not have
time for me, or quell a child’s enthusiasm.
- her play
My mom would rather take us to the beach than
clean the house, so that’s what we did!
She taught us to skate, ski, dance, play, eat ice cream, sled,
swim. She was a do-er. We got out there and tried everything. Oftentimes, she’d have to go to work at
night, but we’d spend that entire day at the beach and drop sandy towels at the
door as she slipped on an outfit and rushed to work. We slept deeply after hard days of play; she
worked and never let it hold her back.
- her stepping back
This may sound a bit counter-intuitive, but it
was perfect parenting for a child like me (and happens to be the perfect way to
parent my own older son). She let me
loose. I made my own decisions from when
I was a small child. I was never too
fat, too crazily dressed, too dramatic, or not giving my all. She never criticized me. She let me date a boy from the time I was 13,
although her friends were telling her she must shut that down; she let me get
on a plane to England when I was 21 when it was not as common as it is today;
she let me build a deep relationship with my father, her ex-husband; and made
room for me to choose 100% for myself the life I wanted to live.
And….I’ve been married
to that boy for 27 years, England and my European travel were one of the most
joyous times of my life, and my father’s influence is the reason I’ve been in
the investment field for 30 years.
My mom was right. She was good.
Her love for me shows in everything she does and says. What she gave, mattered so much.
Happy Mother’s Day to my
mom….and all moms. And a great BIG thank
you!
Photo: Mom at Shelburne Farm, Vermont
