Worn Paths

"Maybe if I look at the paths I've worn, over and over again, I'll see that purpose show itself, the way cornfields create patterns I see only when I'm flying over them. Perhaps it takes some distance to see that path. At the very least, it requires a different vantage point."


Many people change their tastes as they age. They seek a new look for themselves or their surroundings; they change jobs; they yearn to travel and see new places; they leap into the unknown and try new challenges. But there are certain traits, skills, and attractions we have that seem to be inherent - built into our DNA. These have been present in us our entire lives. Although we may change something on the surface, the underlying trait or way of being is still present - that is the inherent quality that is the base from which all else flows and which is unique to us.

I am an introvert. I never learned of that word or what it meant until I was an adult. However, as I look back, I see the qualities and needs of introversion were present my entire life and I took certain paths to meet the needs I had not really knowing why I was doing them. For instance, I walked a lot, alone, when I was young. I studied alone, made decisions alone, shopped alone, exercised alone. I lived most happily in my own head. I wasn't a dorm-girl or go-away-to-overnight camp type. I was the kid who walked around the periphery alone to explore quietly. I could certainly participate and have fun with groups of kids; I just see now that those times had to be flanked by times alone to build the stamina to be able to function that way.

I grew up in a small home that was too crowded for my type....so I walked, far and long, in all sorts of weather since it was a daily need. I have always craved and enjoyed wide open spaces. I have always been a reader. Reading allowed me to be quiet and alone.

I am also a writer and have been as far back as I remember. I love the exercise and process of working things out in my head and then on paper. I love words. I analyze, instruct, question and come to my own conclusions through writing. I turned my back on my writing for half my life, but again, what happens with these inherent traits is that they don't leave you; they keep poking back out in various ways in your life seeing if you'll accept them and go with your inherent flow at some point. Paths I continued to take kept bringing me to the same center.

For you, it might be an inherent drive to help people, teach, paint, create or play music, or explore new things. If you think back on things you've done that have brought you joy or peace or felt so right to you, if you look at those paths and seek to see some similarity to them, you might discover your passion. You might discover your inherent ways of being. Just like wearing my hair to "go with" my cowlick, no longer trying to fight against it, is the right thing to do....so, too, is going with, not fighting, your true nature.

To help you find your purpose, look back from a high vantage point, and ask: What are my worn paths?



Photo: the White Mountains, NH

*Source: Digh, Patti. Life is a Verb. Guilford, Connecticut: skirt! The Globe Pequot Press, 2008. Print. P. 173
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Holding Tight / Letting Go

"While you're tightening the straps, ponder the wacky possibility that the people you're trying to save don't need saving."*




My 20-year old son arrived at our rented lake house to join us on our vacation and within the first hour announced that in two weeks, he'd be taking a road trip with a couple friends....to Milwaukee, Wisconsin via Philadelphia, New York City, and Chicago. Whoosh - the feeling of a punch in my stomach knocked the wind out of me. The calm and joy of several days into my vacation was wiped out in an instant and the tension rose to my throat.

For over a year, he has been dying for an adventure and craving a road trip.

"Why don't you fly to Wisconsin?" I asked.

"Well....because the road trip is the point....not Wisconsin really," he replied patiently.

Mind you, he wasn't asking me to go on a road trip. At twenty, he was courteously telling me his plans, clearly charted and ready to execute solo.

My husband and I are not good car riders. We're both poor with directions; I have a problem with my depth perception and use my air break too much whenever anyone else drives; we get impatient and antsy beyond a four-hour trip. We'd never attempt driving in a big city. Aggressive drivers make me crazy. We don't even drive in Boston if we don't have to - the train or bus is our preferred method of travel there.

My son and I talked out his plans, and I blasted him with all my concerns. He held firm.

It took me a day to mull it over, look at it from all sides. At twenty-one, I spent a college semester in London and traveled around Europe at a time when young people weren't doing any such thing. It was before computers, cell phones, or any communication outside long distance calls and letter-writing. My Mom was hosting a barbecue on the day Frank was driving me to Logan Airport to embark on my own adventure. I went out to the backyard to say good-bye. "Oh, are you going?" my Mom said casually. "Well have a good time!" I was leaving for six months.

Later, she told me, of course, she was nervous, but she didn't show it and that was the kindest, most expansive, most wonderful parenting trait she could have shown towards me. I got onto that plane for the great beyond, elated, and full of positive thoughts - no fear. And....that adventure remains one of the most joyous times in my life and one I'm so thankful I took.

The final argument in my head about my own son was that he could be in Afghanistan fighting a war; he could have gone into the army at eighteen like a friend of mine's son did. Let's keep things in perspective, I told myself. Let go. Let the man, no longer a boy, take a road trip in the U.S. of A. if that's the adventure he wanted to take. So I did....

...and upon his return, all smiles, his increased confidence emanating from his being, fun photos...I told him he had been right. And now that he had done that, I truly felt he could do anything. I told him I could and would let go. The three, with their GPS and iPhones, found their way halfway across the country and visited the sites that mattered to them. They were responsible, efficient, and 110% capable.

I don't need to tighten, and will even do damage if I try. My son doesn't need saving.




Photo: hummingbird at Loon Lake, Rangeley, Maine

*Source: Digh, Patti. Life is a Verb. Guilford, Connecticut: skirt! The Globe Pequot Press, 2008. Print. P. 120
www.lifeisaverb.net
www.pattidigh.com